It’s the most wonderful time of the year … to send a few bucks to the irreverent folks at Cards Against Humanity and wait to see what they do with the money.
The makers of the foul-mouthed card game are out to save America, according to their latest promotional blitz. This time they’re looking for $15 with the promise that “six America-saving surprises” will be delivered right to your doorstep.
“It will be fun, it will be weird, and if you voted for Trump, you might want to sit this one out,” a website detailing the effort says.
Indeed, the first promised item goes right after the president. Here’s how the description for the Day 1 item reads:
Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built.
On Day 1, all Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards, and a few other surprises.
According to the colorful FAQ, Cards Against Humanity is saving America from “injustice, lies, racism, the whole enchilada.” Other highlights include:
- You said you weren’t going to do one of these complicated holiday promotions again. We’re liars, just like the president.
- I don’t like that you’re getting political. Why don’t you just stick to card games? Why don’t you stick to seeing how many Hot Wheels cars you can fit up your a–hole?
I’d like to cancel my order. We’d like to cancel the 2016 election, but neither of us is going to get what we want.
The company promises the six gifts will arrive during the month of December.
In years past, Cards mailed people real poop; raised $100,000 to dig a giant hole in the ground; got 11,248 people to give them $5 each, and then spent the money on cat litter, baseball tickets, a gold vibrator … and some charitable donations.