Trouble meeting that special someone? Perhaps Fabulous Geeks can help.
The brainchild of Lana Dolinska, Fabulous Geeks is a personalized matchmaking service that helps those in the tech world connect with other professional, like-minded people. With a current list of about 3,000 area singles, at least 70 percent of Dolinska’s clientele come from tech fields.
A former software engineer for Microsoft, Dolinska witnessed her colleagues’ office grumblings about how hard it was to meet someone. She saw an opportunity to help.
Her fix? Setting aside a lot of the digital wizardry and going old school, as in actually meeting in person and talking. According to her site, she is now setting up at least five new first dates per week, and has had two clients get engaged.
“If I send someone on a date, they usually go on a second and third date,” Dolinska told us via email. “So about 75 to 80 percent [go on a second date]. It’s because I work with both sides encouraging them to explore possibilities, and I always get feedback from both sides so next time we can eliminate some complaints.”
Here, we talked with Dolinska about Fabulous Geeks, the challenges of dating in the tech world and what you can do to up your game:
As a former software engineer at Microsoft, what made you want to switch to matchmaking?
As I was working at Microsoft, I would see all these people who were struggling — men didn’t know where to find women, and the women complaining that men were not doing their thing, as in asking them out, planning dates and holding a conversation.
Cooking is my passion. Before making my business, I had a cooking club, and organized it with my friends, and it turned out to be a very cool way of meeting people. It’s an activity everyone can participate in, and there’s no pressure and you can enjoy something while talking, eating and drinking wine. I thought, what a good way, old-fashioned way of meeting and talking to people.
Tell us a bit about how it works.
I’ve done 10 events in the last six months like cooking classes and some are events like singles mixers between Expedia and Microsoft. I organize cocktails/mixers once a month with about 20 to 40 people.
I usually cap a cooking class at 10 and try to make it intimate and small so everyone has time in that five-hour period to talk to everyone. I do it in a private house, and it’s limited by seating.
I send the invite out to my list. I have a feel for interests, age range and so one, and basically combine people into broad categories by age, interest and things like that. After I create a theme for the cooking class – like Italian food or Moroccan – I put together the guest list.
In addition to cooking, there is always some kind of special entertainment. This last time, I had a local opera singer and everyone really loved that. It’s to create an atmosphere to let people have a good time, get to know each other and relax.
What, besides lack of time, are tech daters’ biggest complaints?
Overall women’s biggest complaint about guys is that they don’t know what to talk about on a date. Women don’t want to hear about Microsoft or your job. They complain that most men don’t know how to carry a conversation, and that they’re too passive planning dates.
Women want men to take charge and make a plan, pick the first date, be well dressed and smell nice. Men don’t think that’s important, but those simple things are. Men are always like, “I don’t know what happened,” but they can’t believe the body language they are sending. Within the tech community, they have issues in that they can’t communicate to women very well.
From men the biggest complaint I hear about women is that they need to not treat it like a management meeting, or be direct or bossy. They need to show their feminine side more, be warm and smile. Women are very successful at Microsoft and great at the work they do. They can talk in front of hundreds of people, but they don’t know how to talk with one person.
Is it a challenge launching a dating service in the age of dating sites and apps like Tinder?
That’s the easy way with online dating and apps. The issue is that there are too many choices, and you feel it’s never-ending supply of people, so if this doesn’t work, you just go to the next one. If they meet someone in person they treat that person differently.
Do your clients use Tinder and how does it differ from traditional dating sites, like Match?
Most of my clients have used Tinder a few times. I can’t really overgeneralize their feedback, but they are mostly unhappy about the results they get from it. Since Tinder is very anonymous and you don’t know the person you’re talking with, it tends to bring the sexual aspect way sooner than normal, and it is not conducive to a serious relationship.
The same people who use Tinder treat Match.com more seriously and act differently there. Other apps like Siren or Bumble that enable women to make the first step in the decision-making process are more efficient.
What do you think of the Ashley Madison hack? And the recent news that actually very few women used the site at all?
I had one client who was separated and asked me to help him with his Ashley profile. He couldn’t find anyone on Match who would want to go on date with him, and he didn’t want to lie.
As a matchmaker, I discourage men and women to go on a date with anyone who is separated. For obvious reasons: They are not ready for relationship, and they haven’t even finished the divorce process! So where do separated people go? Tinder and Ashley Madison.
If Ashley Madison encourages the worst behavior in people and helps them cheat on their spouse, it’s not the site’s problem, it’s the people’s problem. But if the site used hacky ways of acquiring the clientele, it’s poor business conduct.
Do you work with clients on an individual basis?
I like working with men who need help. I offer five coaching sessions, usually one per week, and we learn some basics, like how to look on a date. I send them on “pretend” dates and get feedback that we work on.
Then after that, we send a guy to the bar with a wingman to improve his skills at chitchat, and how to read if a woman is interested. I also have men show me their online profile, and we look at that, change photos, info, emails, and go over what to look for, to do and not to do.
So far with coaching, I’ve only worked with men. Women feel like they only need help with meeting new people, so I mostly just help women meet someone new, then give them feedback about their first date.
Do you have plans to expand outside Seattle?
Yes, I already work with people outside Seattle, and often people contact me because they think I can help them meet a girl from Eastern Europe. I want to have a branch in my home country, Ukraine.
Watch the Fabulous Geeks cooking class video below:
Fabulous Geeks Cook Club from Lana Dolinska on Vimeo.
