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Mop vandal
A would-be car prowler in the KIRO Radio parking lot. (KIRO Radio / Screen grab via Twitter)

Here’s some Friday internet advice for you: Skip the memo, and go with the mop.

An apparently intoxicated gentleman armed with the business end of a mop tried unsuccessfully to break into a pickup truck parked in a lot at KIRO Radio in Seattle. And in a technological win for radio — there’s video.

Better yet, the nearly two minutes of black-and-white surveillance footage gets a play-by-play for the ages from KIRO personality John Curley. As the man repeatedly bangs the mop handle against the driver’s-side window of the truck, stumbling in the process, Curley counts the hits.

The video is headed to 1 million views on Twitter and has been retweeted almost 18,000 times.

“If you’re counting at home, that’s 14 blows against the window with the mop,” Curley says. “Raining blows down upon the window! 1! 2! 3! …”

The man eventually gives up on the truck and eventually tries to climb onto a small rooftop nearby. He falls off and lies motionless in the parking lot as the video wraps with Curley saying “somebody get some salmi and cream cheese and rub it all over his face!”

We’re not sure if that’s a Curley take on famed Seattle Mariners announcer Dave Niehaus’ classic rye bread and mustard calls.

Regardless, KIRO mentions in the Twitter comments that the vandal got up about 17 minutes later and walked off. The video footage was only reviewed by an engineer in the morning, so the station had no word on what happened to him.

Fly, fly away, mop guy.

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