Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Seattle 2.0, and imported to GeekWire as part of our acquisition of Seattle 2.0 and its archival content. For more background, see this post.

By Sasha Pasulka

I remember playing a game with my mom when I was a littlegirl. It went like this:

Me: “Mom,can I be an astronaut when I grow up?”
Mom: “Yes,sweetie. You can do anything you set your mind to.”
Me: “Mom,can I be President when I grow up?”
Mom: “Youcan do anything you set your mind to.”
Me: “Can I be a writer?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Me: “Can Ibe a singer?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Me: “Can I play basketball for a living?”
Mom: “Yes.You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Why I am Not Currently the Point Guard for the Lakers 

As I delvefurther into the startup world – taking on new projects and new partners andnew ideas, and rebuilding a company I’ve owned for years – I find thatinsecurity is a pesky overarching theme. After several years of my work lifefeeling stagnant but my sense of competence skating along nicely, my mind nowspends a good deal of its day repeating a well-rehearsed story about how I’m inway over my head, everyone on the planet is smarter and more experienced than Iam, and everything I touch is doomed to fail. Also: I should be ashamed ofmyself for even trying.

Dramaticmuch? Welcome to my brain. (I blame too much Beverly Hills, 90210 as a child. In fact, if you listen closely, mybrain sounds a lot like Valerie Malone.) 

My mind’stold me this story before. Many times. If you look at the historic evidence, thisstory is later proven to be a colossal lie. I know now that when my mind kicksin with that story and doesn’t let it go, I am on the precipice of enormouspersonal and professional growth. I’m about to develop new skills and new waysof thinking, a broader, deeper sense of confidence; I’m about to become braverand sharper and more polished, to make a quantum leap in my capabilities, in mysense of self.

That doesn’tmake it any less terrifying.

 
How My Girls and I Put that Valerie Malone Bitch in Her Place
 
My mom –ever my personal cheerleader – put me in touch with Shayla Roberts, a friend of herswho does “executive coaching.” I rolled my eyes excessively at the idea, untilI looked through some of the tools Shayla uses to help innumerable CEOs get ahandle on their own fears and doubts. I noticed that her tools knew me betterthan I knew myself. I agreed to meet with her.

“I know atmy core that I can be successful at anything I set my mind to,” I told her,because my mother’s words to me as a child squirmed deep into my chest and putdown roots.  They have never left;they have stood their ground quietly but firmly and grown with me all theseyears. “But something in my brain is trying to tell me otherwise.”

She noddedknowingly. “We callthat critter chatter,” she said. 

(Yes, “critter chatter.” You guys write code in a language that sounds like someone got a certain blood-red mineral into a party with Lindsay Lohan, so give me some wiggle room here. Plus, you haven’t even heard about whisper voice!)
“Critter chatter is those voices in your head that tell you all the reasons youshouldn’t try, all the reasons you’re going to fail. And that quiet voice thatreminds you that you can succeed? We call it the whisper voice. During periodsof growth, its sound can be overwhelmed by the critters. The key is to harnessthe energy of the critter chatter so that it works in your favor.”

“Mostpeople,” she explained, “can never tame the critters. There are only a very fewwho are able to harness it and use it to power the whisper voice. Those are thepeople who succeed in entrepreneurial ventures.”

The Part Where I Swear to You That All This Helps 

As kooky asall this sounds, chatting with Shayla made a world of difference for me. 
She gaveme an exercise: I wrote down all the things the critters say to me. Then I tookeach sentence and reversed it, replacing all the negative terms with theirpositive counter-point. It helped me to recognize those voices and rememberthat I, at my core, actively disagree with them. To identify, once again, withthe whisper voice and not with all the angry chatter.

Am I ever inover my head? Sure, yeah, sometimes. But never for long. When the bar is sethigher, I always rise to it, despite how uncomfortable and insecure I may feelduring the process; despite the fear I experience when I’m dangling mid-air, andI’m too far up to get footing below, and I’m too far down to get my handsaround anything above me.

I have beenhere before. I will end up pulling myself clear over the bar.

But rightnow? Still a little bit terrifying.

Why You Shouldn’t Be Ashamed of Yourself for Agreeing to Read Past the “Critter” Incident

I’m sharingthis because I can’t be the only one who feels this way, who goes through thisset of feelings and thoughts when they’re starting something new, when they’revoluntarily putting themselves in a position where they know they’ll be forcedto grow — and it’s a great accomplishment just to find yourself among that subsetof the population, I’d say.  

When we talkabout tech entrepreneurship – about dev teams and VCs and marketing strategies andviral campaigns – we never talk about the fear that goes hand-in-hand with theexcitement and opportunity of the startup world. We never talk about how thisrisk/reward proposition we’ve all assumed manifests for us emotionally. We’renot really a touchy-feely crowd. So everyone goes around assuming that they’rethe only one who thinks about it.

Nearlyeveryone battles thoughts like these – even folks who have built tens ofsuccessful startups and just got funded for another one. (Perhaps those peopleeven more so, because a failure is infinitely more visible.) 

But ifyou’re here, if you’re even reading anything posted on Seattle 2.0, odds areyou have a pretty kick-ass whisper voice. That you, too, have something burieddeep inside you that tells you that you can do anything you set your mind to,even if it’s comparatively quiet on some days.

Listen tothat voice. Listen to the critter chatter, too. Separate the two, and be awareof which one’s talking at any given time. When you hear the critter chatter,thank it politely for sharing, and move on. It’s a vicious lie, but the mentalenergy it creates as it buzzes around in your head can be repackaged and used tohelp you move forward, toward your entrepreneurial goals.

Next week Iwill talk about how burning sage in your new office space helps clear outnegativity left by the previous occupants, and how best to move energy throughcrystals if you’d like to secure a spot in this summer’s TechStars.

I’m kidding.After this post, I’ll probably have to write next week’s post entirely in Rails tokeep this job.

Bring it on. 

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