Microsoft vs. Apple: Watch Cortana destroy Siri on the Arsenio Hall Show

arseniohall12Apparently, Cortana has some serious swag — at least that’s what we found out while watching the Arsenio Hall Show last night.

Hall, the actor, comedian and hilarious host of the show, spent a few minutes talking about Cortana, Microsoft’s new virtual assistant.

“She’s designed to have a little more flavor, be a little more edgy than Siri,” he said of Cortana.

Hall then plays the mediator between Cortana and Siri, Apple’s well-known virtual assistant. Here’s a sampling of the back-and-forth:

Hall: Hey Siri, I’m a little hungry, can you find me a restaurant that serves grilled cheese?

Siri: OK, I will play Alicia Keys.

Cortana: Are you deaf, bitch? He said grilled cheese.

Hall: Cortana, where can I find a good grilled cheese?

Cortana: In your damn kitchen. Why is everybody so lazy?

Siri: Looking up a florist that sells daises.

Hall: No thanks, Siri, but that’s very thoughtful of you.

Siri: That’s how I am, unlike some operating systems.

Cortana: Really, ho? You got something to say to me?

Siri: Actually, I’ve got nothing to say to you, you fake wannabe.

Cortana: All I wanna be is kicking your ass up and down Sunset. Would you like me to get you a map?

It gets even more heated from there, and Cortana’s biggest zinger comes later in the conversation. You watch the drama unfold below:

Related: First impressions: Microsoft’s Cortana is a bit hard of hearing, but shows promise

  • johnhcook

    Say, what? Arsenio has a talk show?

  • SilverSee

    Saw this earlier today.. pretty darn funny.

    While purists might chafe at the comparisons with Siri (as Cortana is inarguably more ambitious), the publicity that Microsoft has received so far (much of it free) has been awesome. They can’t have planned it any better. Even the months’ worth of leaks ahead of time just served to wet people’s appetites for more details. That they managed to somehow exceed expectations both with the product and its launch is rare for Microsoft.

    Let’s hope that when it finally arrives on devices, the service overcomes its inevitable early hiccups.

  • Mr. Random

    Notice the way the jokes are structured.
    Siri’s jokes mostly revolve around her mishearing things.
    Cortana’s jokes mostly revolve around her sass.
    Overall, I’d say Cortana looks better after this video.
    If nothing else, she understands a gun is usually better than a knife.

  • Dave J.

    Wait, Arsenio Hall has a TV show again?